I procrastinate so much, I haven't posted about my escape to Chicago.

The Thursday before I went out to see Dark Knight, which was an amazing movie. After seeing the movie for the second time last weekend I am sure of its brilliancy. I couldn't sleep for the rest of the night, my mind just wouldn't shut up. After three or so hours of sleep I awake to pack and hurry to catch my bus that will take me downtown.

I had been hoping to catch a nap on the bus, but lucky me I ended up seated behind this squalling brat who I kid you not cried all six hours up there (his mother spanking him every time he screamed didn't help the situation, either).

Upon making it to Chicago, my friend whom I was staying with hadn't arrived from his vacation in Washington. I arrived in Chicago, where it was rainy and cool. I met up with Sean's best friend, Von after taking the train to the Central Lake View area.

Central Lake View was pretty nice, just close enough to the city to have a pulse, and far enough things were affordable. The area was very off-beat with a mix of gay flair, hipster trends with a touch of hippie added in. Its somewhere I could really see myself living in.


( Pictures from Lakeview )

Hanging out with Von for a few hours was pretty awesome: we watch Star Wars family Guy, watched random bits of TV and then went for a drive to pick up Sean from a bus stop around 11pm.

It was really good to see Sean again. After stopping to get some fast food (Mmm Burger King). Having been awake for over 12 hours on three hours of sleep, I declined the offer to party with Sean and instead went to bed.

I quickly learned Sean is a bit of a man whore...okay, a major man whore. Not that it bothered me, it more amused me than anything. Most of Saturday was rainy and hazy, and I lounged around for most of it until Sean, Von and I went out to get some food. Naturally, as Saturday night was Sharam of Deep Dish playing at Crobar, I wanted to be well rested (I was nervous to see Sharam again.)

I napped, restlessly, then awoke to get ready. I had bought an amazing blue dress with silver heels. Lately, I find myself wearing a lot of cooler tones. I got ready and Sean, Von and I went to Club Berlin for pre-drinks. Afterwards we piled into a cab and headed over to Crobar.

Walking in between two men dressed in nice suits was surreal. The line to the club stretched around the block, and I felt like some sort of star as I glided past the throngs of people and into the club without question. We headed to the DJ booth and Sharam wasn't up there yet. I settled myself near the Lighting Tech. For some reason I wasn't feeling very social despite my excitement. So I busied myself taking pictures and being introduced to the Who's Who of Crobar and Sharam's group. A little after midnight, Sharam took over the decks and I eventually was able to catch his attention.

The rest of the night went by in a blur of beats, lights and fans. Oddly enough, between my two glasses of champagne and high energy of the crowd, I was feeling amazingly low energy; the effects of the break-up still plagued me. I spent most of the night watching Sharam mix (which only, once more, sparked my desire to learn how to mix my own music), taking pictures and talked to the fans. It was interesting how many people thought I was with Sharam, many asking me if I was his manager, if I could get his autograph for them, and there was even one girl who thought through her drunken stupor thought I was Ali (the second half of Deep Dish) and told me how much she loved Sharam and my work. Not wanting to ruin her fun, I simply thanked her.

Overall, the night, despite my lethargic tone was a high note to the escape that I needed.



( Some kind of boy, some kind of girl, some kind of song around the world )

Afterwards Sharam, myself and his crew went into the VIP bar for drinks. I was already tipsy from the champagne and passed on the offer for more drinks, rather enjoying the loud, drunken antics of the star-struck bartender girls and Sharam's tech group. We stayed in the VIP bar for a good two or so hours until fatigue took me over and we retreated to Sharam's hotel room in the very nice, very expensive W Hotel.

( Drinks and a view )

He and I talked for awhile, about everything and anything. Soon the sun was coming up and he had to get to bed in order to catch a flight in six hours. We laid down on the bed together and talked, though we eventually fell asleep for only a brief time. After I woke up, I took a cab back to Sean's house, watching the city go by my head swimming with emotions and up-turned feelings. Luckily, I was back in my temporary bed and fell into a deep sleep.

Sunday was a lazy, restful day. Sean was extremely hung-over and stayed in his room most of the day, which suited me fine, as I wasn't really wanting to do anything anyway. I lounged around, watching TV then went out to explore Belmont Street for a little bit.

Monday came and Sean was eager for me to see all of his side of Chicago. Our first stop was Flub-a-dub Chubb's for the ABSOLUTE BEST Chicago Hot Dog EVER. Sean, Von and I sat outside in the bright sunlight enjoying the cloudless Chicago day, eating our hot dogs and talking about the night before.

From there we browsed along Halstead in Boystown, heading over to the Best Buy where we dicked around for a bit, playing Guitar Hero and the likes before Sean took me to a very popular hair stylist (to talk to a friend of his) then to the best piercer in that area of Chicago to talk me into piercing my ears (I declined, being the wimp that I am), where afterwards we walked around this underground Punk store, looking at clothing. Then, it was back to his house for food and a nap before going out.

Strangely, in Chicago, Mondays are a pretty rocking night to go out, and around 11 Sean, myself and his friend Ken found ourselves at Club Berlin down the street for pre-outing drinks. After Berlin ventured to Boystown where we went into Hydrate for the $1 drink specials on Monday night. Naturally, the place was packed. I felt my experiencing a sort of culture shock: in Louisville, the bars and clubs would be D-E-A-D on a Monday, even the supposed weekday party night, Wednesdays, are pretty dead. Hydrate, however, was hopping.

I ran into Joey, an old friend who had moved up to Chicago from Louisville. We hung out for a little while, having some drinks and catching up on life. However, around 1:30ish we headed over to Boom Boom Room, an private by-invite-only party thrown by a man who used to run in Michael Alig (of the Club Kids) circle.

At Boom Boom I felt overwhelmed and intimidated by the Whose Who of the Chicago party scene. Because of this, rather than socializing, I spent my time wandering around taking pictures or standing outside talking to the host of the party, or the two popular Club Kids: SAL-E and Jojo. It was when I commented on their style of outfit I learned they had been in Michael Alig's circle in the early 90's. I contented myself to staying outside away from the overwhelming crowd.

Fast forward to 230ish, Sean, the girl he had been sleeping with (Allison) and I leave Ken to head over to Big City Tap. A traditional dive bar a few blocks from his house. The bar was okay, as I said, just your typical straight dive bar, but I ended up making friends with some really awesome Irish girls on work exchange for the summer. Spending an hour or so there, the three of us stumble back to Sean's place and go to bed.


( Wild Mondays, indeed )

I awoke Tuesday and something was, well...off. Sean was acting strangely towards me. He was no longer as friendly and I felt a very strong, disdainful 'fuck off' vibe all day. His best friend Von came over so we could grill out. Von said he hadn't noticed a change in Sean, and Sean swore he was only hung over. However, Von said that Sean, being a man whore and horny as he is, is probably starting to feel the effects of having a female friend who is not interested in him sexually (the night before Sean had even told me, in a drunken, surprised sort of tone "I'm really amazed that you haven't even tried to make a move on me yet. Most girls would have gave in by now."). Most of Tuesday was awkward and strange. I sat around watching tv as Sean ignored me, staying on his laptop or in his bedroom.

Around 10ish I decided I was going to get out and clear my head. I walked around Belmont for an hour or so, before coming home and going to bed.

Wednesday wasn't much better, I woke up to Sean telling me in a short tone that he is going to the gym then leaves. As it was clear he no longer had any desire to do anything we had planned on (aquarium, walking around downtown, etc). Still confused and hurt over what I had done wrong to make Sean change his attitude towards me (was it because I had no desire to sleep with him? Was he mad that I'm not some crazy party girl and was clammed up on Monday night?) I put on my shoes and left to go downtown by myself.

I arrived downtown roughly around 11am to crammed streets full of business people on lunch, rich kids out of school for the summer and tourists in tacky outfits. In the sunny, cloudless day I felt perfectly content lost in the massive sea of people and high rise buildings.

This is what a real city looks like, I thought to myself as I aimlessly drifted all over the downtown. At Navy Pier I watched the tourists walking around talking in dozens of different languages. I shopped in the super exclusive boutiques of Chanel, Prada, Burberry and the like on State Street and Michigan Ave, went to the top of Sears Tower (the current highest building in the western hemisphere), Millennium and Grant park for the Avant Garde sculptures, to off-beat little import grocery stores where I found fruit I hadn't seen since living in Denmark (lychee, currant berries, and dragon fruit to name a few).

It was around 5:30 that I caught the train back to Sean's house, unsure if he had any plans for the evening that he wanted me with, though, with the way he had been acting towards me the day before I sort of doubted it.

Upon returning to his house, I found he indeed had a party to go to and a bar and didn't have any intention of inviting me. So, I got back on the train and went back to Downtown Chicago, hoping to catch the fireworks at Navy Pier.

After getting lost and missing the fireworks, I decided I would just walk around and take pictures instead. For such a large city, downtown Chicago never once scared me. Then again, I've never been scared when walking alone in a city at night. I feel comforted by the lights
and the people.

Finally, it was time to go home, when I realize 'oh shit, I let Sean have the keys because he lost his pair'. So, I was locked out and my phone was beeping that it was going to die. I was able to have it hang on long enough to text Sean and he told me to come to a bar called Cubby Bear's across from Wrigley Field. There they had 'Rock Band' night, where you got to sing on stage, any song you wanted, with a real rock band. It was pretty awesome, but sadly I only took one bad picture. It was here Sean was slightly warmer towards me, though not back onto the level he had been before.

Sean, Allison, Ken and I stayed around for awhile until Ken decided he wanted to go home, and I asked if he would take me back to Sean's place. I felt a strange sort of attraction towards Ken despite him being very different from the kind of guy I like. We talked, watched a couple episodes of Metalocalypse before he decided to go and I went to sleep.



( Second City )


( Chicago by night )

I awoke Thursday morning bright and early so I could go home. The bus ride was, thankfully, uneventful and quiet. I slept for most of the way back home, as I found when I was awake I would have a horrible, dreadful feeling the closer we returned to Louisville. It was as though the closer I came, the more of my problems began to resurface. About Will, about living back home, lack of real friends, when and how I am going to move and if I do where to and over-all my quarter life crisis just continued to consume my brain. I slept to stave off the miserableness of it all.

Bye, Chicago. Until next DJ comes through...


Thank god Aaron offered me a chance to go to Indy the next weekend, to get out of town. I wasn't really feeling the city though, and for the first time in my life I nearly had an anxiety attack while in a crowded club. I felt ugly, awkward and out of place. I just wanted to go home and hide under the covers. Thus, there are no pictures from the trip.

I find I have been avoiding this city a lot. Not only because everywhere I go reminds me of my previous relationship, but I am just done with this city. It feels more like a trap than a place to live now. I have to bug Grandma some more to get her birth certificate so I can hurry up and have an easier pass back to Europe.

Uuugh, this is all so difficult.